ONE WORD - that was the challenge for 2014. Pick one word to focus on for 2014. After much thought, I chose the word FEARLESS. I was fresh off two years of greatness, as I perceived it, and was up for a challenge.
I had listened to God’s call and obediently adopted our youngest daughter, who has brought much joy to our house. I had tackled a mission trip out of the country without my husband. I had completed a triathlon. And now I was focusing my time and energy on a new challenge I felt God calling me to. I was ready to be even more fearless for God in 2014.
Then one week into the New Year on a Tuesday it hit me at 11am, the dread, the darkness, the fear, the stomach pain. By 2pm I had spiraled and depression had engulfed my whole being. I honestly thought I was immune. It had happened once a few years back, but I assumed it would never happen again.
I found myself angry at God. Why does He allow this to happen to me? Why isn’t He protecting me? Why would He choose to punish me when I strive to be obedient? Why, Why, Why?
This time when it happened, I didn’t try to live in hiding like I had previously. I informed my friends and family, who love me, and asked them to start praying. I knew from the last time, I needed to form an army to help me get through this.
Reflecting back on my most recent episode of depression, I wasn’t afraid to be honest. I wasn’t afraid to say, no I can’t be at the house by myself. I wasn’t afraid to call my friend and say I need to come to your house right now and ask her to pray for me. I wasn’t afraid to wake Brian up at 3am and say please pray over me. I wasn’t afraid to call my friend at 6am and say I need you to pick me up and take me to the doctor right now. I wasn’t afraid to go for a run at 4am; honestly, I was kind of hoping a bear would eat me to put me out of my misery.
I wasn’t protecting my ego. I wasn’t afraid of not being perfect.
Maybe when I chose fearless, God had different ideas for exposing my fears than I did. Perhaps He knew the deepest fear I needed to conquer was the fear of not always having it together, and He allowed me to suffer this so I could face it. I don’t pretend to understand all the reasons He allows us to suffer. I do know that through this, I have drawn closer to Him through reading truths in His word. Maybe He just wanted me.
Whatever it is, I am not going to abandon my one word; fearless. I’m sticking with it. I want more of Him. If suffering is what it takes to do that, I am fearlessly afraid to endure it.
Written by Tyler Small on Tuesday, January 28, 2014
You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way,let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven. (Matthew 5:13-16 NIV)
SaltTee gives 100% of all profits from each t-shirt directly to ministry. Too often ministries fail for lack of funding. In other instances precious time is taken away from the ministry to search for support. Our concept, was to use our knowledge of business to deliver a premium product to raise financial support for ministry in Hato del Yaque, Dominican Republic.
SaltTee was built and is run completely by volunteers. There are no salaries, rent or design costs. All marketing is via word of mouth, social media or is subsidized by business partners. The only cost in each SaltTee shirt is material, screen printing and shipping. This allows us to deliver a premium t-shirt at an affordable price and give the maximum amount of support to ministry.
Each t-shirt comes with a story and is designed to encourage the question "what does that shirt mean?" When your new SaltTee shirt arrives, it will include the story behind the shirt with your shipment. You are invited to share this story, or if you prefer, you can direct those who ask to SaltTee.com where they can read the story for themselves.